My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
