My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
