ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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