And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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