That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
