You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I need to align my fucking chakras
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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