i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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