I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
