I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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