im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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