When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't deserve a penis
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
