He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
