I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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