Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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