are you still at the devil's house?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
