just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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