he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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