New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
