So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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