awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
