My brain says no but my pants say off.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
