Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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