you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
