Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Randomize
