I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
