White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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