so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need water and some morals
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
