Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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