its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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