i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
