i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You pole danced in your parka.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
