i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
