my mouth tastes like poor choices
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
