Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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