Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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