My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
