My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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