can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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