when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
