Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
