Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
