People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
