He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
