Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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