He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
