Only a mothe r could love this liver
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
