so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
