i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
