he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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