To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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