All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You made out with two different species that night
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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