i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
