Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
